Written By: Lonette Bolden-Smith, MA, BSN, RN, CMC
Are you an adult in your 30’s, 40’s or 50’s and struggling with your home and working-life balance while tasked with taking care of an aging adult? Maybe you are in your 60’s and struggling to care for a parent in their 80’s or 90’s while trying to take care of yourself, your spouse, focus on retirement, and helping your kids who are now older. If yes, the you are a part of the “sandwich generation” – it is more of a phase of life than a literal generation – it is an ongoing experience. I brushed off being a member of the sandwich generation until the year of 2014 when I lost my dad. I found myself not only overwhelmed with grief, but also with worry about my household, my job, and my mom who lived hours away. I remembered reading about the sandwich generation in previous years but now reality set in. I was sandwiched between a lot of dynamics and felt pulled in many different directions.
So how do I handle being in the sandwich generation? My siblings and I have labeled my mom “The Eagle”. We are all busy in our lives, but we manage to stay in the know with what is going on with The Eagle whether it be through telephone calls, video chats, or texts. I told The Eagle that one day we may have to hire someone, like an Aging Life Care Professional, to help provide more oversight. The Eagle is already not a fan of this idea, but The Eagle also wants to be an independent, free bird as long as possible. This may require her to accept help to maintain a level of independence in the future. Trust me, I am not looking forward to clipping any of her wings and I want her to continue to fly and age in place gracefully, which is the goal of many older adults today.
How do you handle being a part of the sandwich generation?
I’m here to share that guilt is real. Anger, frustration, and feeling lost or helpless are all real, valid emotions. You are human. I am a professional who has worked in the health and human services field for over 20 years. I specialize in helping people navigate challenges and I admit that I am not perfect and have struggled myself. I too have to take deep breaths, go for long walks, listen to my relaxation music station, etc. when things get overwhelming. I have had my true moments of being a struggling member of the sandwich generation. However, I have found my balance and am now a functioning member of the sandwich generation.
Being an Aging Life Care Professional is rewarding for me. Most people meet an Aging Life Care Manager and say, “I didn’t know this existed.” I happily share that I am a member of the Aging Life Care Association®. We are here to help manage and navigate. I help people that are struggling with being in the sandwich generation just as I have. If you are a member of the sandwich generation, ask yourself how are you managing? If the answer is “I’m not,” I encourage you to reach out for help. Believe me when I say you are not alone and there is a way to move from struggling to functioning. Your sandwich may look different from someone else’s sandwich, but the struggles may be similar. There is a way to find your balance when taking care of yourself while caring for your Eagle or Eagles.
Thankfully, there are articles, YouTube videos, and groups such as AARP that provide information on the sandwich generation, and there are Aging Life Care Professionals that can help. The following is a link to an article from Newsweek entitled Why the Forgotten Sandwich Generation are Surviving but ‘Not Really Living’.
Most people meet an Aging Life Care Manager and say, “I didn’t know this existed.” I encourage you to reach out for help. Believe me when I say you are not alone and there is a way to move from struggling to functioning.
About the author: Lonette Bolden-Smith, MA, BSN, RN, CMC is a Care Manager/Advanced Aging Life Care Professional and founder of LH Care Management. She has a Master Degree in Counseling, a Bachelor of Science in Psychology, a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, and is a CMC (Care Manager Certified) by the National Academy of Certified Care Managers. Lonette works with older and/or disabled adults throughout Central Florida. She has over 20 years of experience in working with older adults in this area and is familiar with many resources. Lonette specializes in helping individuals age in place, navigate the complexities of the healthcare system, advocating for clients in care facilities, providing local support for long-distance caregivers, and much more. As a nurse, she enjoys providing support and education on disease processes and medication, assisting with medication management in the home, and ensuring proper medical care and follow up. Lonette considers herself a life-long learner and truly enjoys what she does for a living.