Monthly Archives: November 2015

I am an only child caring for aging parents

Are You at Risk for Caregiver Burnout?

Caregiving can take a toll mentally, emotionally, and physically whether you’re providing hands-on care, managing a paid caregiver, or anything in between. With the pressure of determining a loved one’s care needs and how best to care for them, it’s easy to forget that caregivers need care too. As we honor caregivers during National Family Caregivers Month, take time to look for the signs and symptoms of caregiver burnout. 

By Patricia Charles, LMSW, CMC – Aging Life Care Association™ Member

 

During a recent visit with a friend, I couldn’t help but notice that he was exhibiting some of the classic signs of caregiver stress. Not only do my professional skills equip me with the clinical tools to make this assessment, but my personal experience as a family caregiver for my mother makes me even more sensitive to the issue.

In addition to looking tired, it was clear that he had also lost weight and was not his normal, cheerful self. I made some gentle observations about how he looked a little worn out and asked him if he had started a new diet. Normalizing these difficult experiences allowed him to acknowledge that he was indeed exhausted; he hadn’t been sleeping that much and he was so busy that he found it difficult to make time to eat. He confided that not only was he balancing his own work and commitments, but he was taking a more and more active role in managing his aging mother’s household, hiring and scheduling caregivers, and paying all the bills.

During our conversation, it became clear that this was more than normal caregiver stress and I suggested that he may be suffering from caregiver burnout. He didn’t believe me at first, protesting, “I don’t provide hands-on care for my mother. If anything, I feel guilty that I’m not doing enough.”

Does this sound like you or someone you know?

Many people believe that if they have enlisted help from others in caring for their loved one, they can’t be experiencing caregiver burnout.  They may feel guilty since they are not providing the hands-on care.  Ironically, guilt is a major source that can contribute to caregiver burnout!

Caregiving can take a toll mentally, emotionally, and physically whether you’re providing hands-on care, managing a paid caregiver, or anything in between. With the pressure of determining a loved one’s care needs and how best to care for them, it’s easy to forget that you need care too.

While stress is a normal part of life, burnout is emotional and functional disengagement caused by cumulative stress. Signs and symptoms of caregiver burnout may include:

  • Inability to sleep or broken sleep during the night
  • Inability to concentrate – your thoughts seem to drift from time to time
  • Sudden bursts of emotion
  • Appetite loss or changes in appetite
  • Signs of sadness/depression
  • Life revolves around caregiving
  • You may be a little touchy – more irritable than normal
  • You have stop doing the things you enjoy doing
  • Decreased contact with friends and others
  • Feeling trapped and lack of control

It’s normal to experience these emotions occasionally, but if you find yourself consistently experiencing these signs of burnout you can’t take good care of yourself or your loved one if you don’t take action and seek help.

If you or someone you know is experiencing some of these signs and symptoms, start by talking to someone you trust, such as a close friend, or seek professional advice. Take an inventory of your activities and consider getting re-involved in activities you once enjoyed and are no longer doing. You can also join a caregiver support group in your community or local hospital so you can learn how others cope with the stress and burnout.

Hiring an Aging Life Care Professional™ to provide an unbiased external perspective can help you determine what type of care your loved one needs, identify resources and options, and coordinate interventions you choose while taking some of the pressure off of yourself.

If you are still suffering from the signs of caregiver burnout, it may be helpful to talk with your physician and make sure that you are not suffering from clinical depression.  If you have a history of depression, seek professional help immediately.

Taking care of your personal needs will not only help you be a more effective caregiver for your loved one, but will also allow you to enjoy spending time with them outside of your caregiving role.

About the author: Patricia Charles, LMSW, CMC is the Lead Training Consultant with SeniorBridge. She  has been a social work professional in nonprofit and philanthropic organizations for the past 30 years and a member of ALCA since 2008. She is a highly skilled Aging Life Care™ Manager, as well as a lecturer and educator. You can email Patricia at pcharles@seniorbridge.com and follow SeniorBridge on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

 


This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute, nor is it intended to be a substitute for, professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Information on this blog does not necessarily reflect official positions of the Aging Life Care Association™ and is provided “as is” without warranty. Always consult with a qualified professional with any particular questions you may have regarding your or a family member’s needs.

warning signs to look for during holiday visits

Home for the Holidays: Making the Most of Visits to Aging Parents

Holidays are occasions that many of us spend with family, whether we live down the block or across the country.  For those with aging parents or loved ones, these visits are an important time to take stock amidst the hustle and bustle, and to make plans. 

By Heather Imhoff, MSW, LMSW – Aging Life Care Association™ Member

Notable changes in an aging person’s appearance, behavior, or environment can be warning signs that his or her health, mentation, and function are changing.  If you notice changes during your visit, dig in while you are there together to further assess the situation and determine if intervention is needed.

Start by Making Observations

Person-centered:

  • Has your loved one’s hygiene changed?
  • Is he or she wearing clothing that is dirty, falling apart or inappropriate for the weather?
  • Has there been a significant weight change?
  • Has his or her gait changed? Are they “couch surfing” or using furniture items for support while walking through the home?
  • Any bruises or cuts that you can see?
  • Are they using mobility or other adaptive equipment properly?

Behavior:

  • Has mom or dad stopped going out for social engagements? Discontinued activities that were important to them?
  • Do they have any new friends or organizations who they have a lot of contact with? Is anyone or any organization asking for repeated or large donations or loans?
  • Do they seem forgetful or more repetitious in conversation?
  • Does he or she seem more withdrawn or sad?

Environment:

  • Looking at their home environment, are there areas of disrepair? Obstructed walkways?  Burned out light bulbs?
  • Any changes in cleanliness of the home, especially in the kitchen and bathroom? Are there items piling up on counters, table tops, or spare rooms?  Unopened mail?
  • Check the fridge to see if there are expired or spoiled food items.
  • Does their car have scratches or other areas of damage?
Important Conversations

If any of these questions lead to concerning answers, it is vital to start a conversation with your loved one about your observations.  Try to remain open and curious, not making assumptions or judgements since issues great and small can lead to similar presentations.

Here’s an example:

Dad is wearing light summer clothing even though it seems too cold.  This may be because his cognition is declining and he is not oriented to what month or season it is.  Alternately, you may learn that most of his warmer sweaters have buttons and his advancing arthritis makes it difficult for him to manage these closures.  Perhaps his winter clothing is stored in the attic or a high shelf that is difficult to access because of strength or balance issues.  Or he may relay that he’s been very busy with his men’s group and just hasn’t gotten around to switching out his wardrobe.

It is important to understand whether your loved one is aware of the issues you’ve noticed, and if he or she sees it as a problem or not.   What are her thoughts, has she attempted to address the situation? What are the barriers that he or she has encountered to resolving the problem.

It can be difficult for someone with a lifetime of independence to admit that they need assistance.  Many of these red flag issues are highly personal in nature, so depending on the circumstances and the personality of the older person, these topics may need to be approached gently and with compassion.

Preferences and Health Care Wishes

Also consider talking about what is important to your loved one.  What gives them a good quality of life?  And a vitally important question: What are their health care wishes?  People fall all over the spectrum when it comes to thinking about, talking about, and making legal documents specifying their health care wishes.  Wherever your loved one falls on this spectrum, it is important to check-in regularly or in some cases, for the first time about their thoughts and preferences about medical care, where they want to live, and what they want their lives to look like.

If dad has already prepared legal documents designating health care decision-making agents and even some advance directives about treatment options, does he still feel the same?  Do the appropriate people and organizations have copies of these documents?  If this conversation has never been broached, test the waters.  See if this is a topic your loved one avoids or welcomes.

The observations made and conversations that take place during holiday visits are most often starting points rather than final conclusions.  Most of these topics are on-going and evolving as your loved one continues to age.  There are resources available in all states to help navigate elder support services and having as clear a picture as possible about what your loved one is struggling with will help target these resources.

A good starting point is your communities Area Agency on Aging offices or connect with an Aging Life Care Professional™ in the area who can offer assistance.  Most importantly, enjoy your time together celebrating and giving thanks!

About the author: Heather Imhoff has eight years of experience as an Aging Life Care Professional in both publicly and privately funded sectors.  She is currently a care manager at EGIS Care & Support in Santa Fe, New Mexico.  Follow Heather on Twitter at @egis_care or email her at heather.egisnm@aol.com.


 

This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute, nor is it intended to be a substitute for, professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Information on this blog does not necessarily reflect official positions of the Aging Life Care Association™ and is provided “as is” without warranty. Always consult with a qualified professional with any particular questions you may have regarding your or a family member’s needs.

Seniors and driving

Aging Parents and Driving: Having the Tough Conversation

As an Aging Life Care Professional™, I’ve seen it first-hand – adult children would rather talk about finances and death with their parents than ask them to retire the car keys. Keep reading for more on how to spot the signs of risky driving, how to have the tough conversation, and ways you can help ease the transition from driver to passenger.

The Toughest Conversation:  Retiring the Car Keys

by Jullie Gray, MSW, LICSW, CMC – Aging Life Care Professional™

 

If, like many fathers, yours drove a tractor at age eleven, flew bombers during World War II, and helped pay for your first car, the idea of starting “the driving conversation”, even if his driving is now terribly risky, sends shivers down your spine.

Why is it so hard? Americans prize self-sufficiency. There is no question that driving is deeply connected to our sense of independence and freedom. Then there is the practicality of it all; without a car, our parents will have trouble getting to places like the grocery store, doctor’s office, or a department store sale. Opportunities to socialize with others will be tricky too, leaving your suddenly car-less parent more likely to feel isolated and depressed.

What the research shows

Participants in a 2013 Pfizer study about growing older said the hardest conversation to have with elderly parents is telling them to stop driving– more difficult even than talking about their final wishes or wills. That sentiment hasn’t changed over the years. In 1997, the New York State Office for the Aging conducted a survey of over a hundred families and caregivers to understand how they dealt with older driver safety concerns. Seventy percent said it took a year or longer to address the issue once they personally observed problems, heard feedback from others, or their parent actually crashed the car.

Families cited two major reasons for not talking to their loved one immediately. First, taking away independence is a hard thing to do to someone you care about. Second, families worried their parent would never forgive them for intervening.

Though this is an emotionally charged topic, we should not postpone tough conversations because we anticipate feeling guilty. Keep in mind, it’s more important to avoid accidents or death than to avoid talking about unpleasant and difficult topics.

If you notice danger signs and your parent doesn’t, it’s time to have “the talk.”

Signs of risky driving include:
  • Confusion or getting lost in familiar places
  • Difficulty maintaining lane position
  • Failure to stop at a red light or stop sign
  • Scrapes or dents on the car, mailbox or garage
  • Bad judgment making left-hand turns
  • Citations for driving

Some studies have found an association between falling and driving problems. It makes sense if you think about it. Frail older people who fall tend to have more health challenges and often take medications that can impair driving skills. Age-related changes in mental processing speed, vision, hearing and physical function may also cause difficulty. Those at highest risk appear to be over the age of 80 – but many octogenarians have no trouble at all.

What can I do?

My advice – Have that first conversation about driving safety with your parent before it becomes a problem. This can help establish an open dialogue and give your parent time evaluate his or her own skills and find acceptable solutions before a crisis.

But if you missed that opportunity, to increase the chance of a successful conversation after you notice problems, AARP and the Hartford Insurance Group suggest selecting a person the older driver trusts to initiate the discussion such as a spouse, physician, adult child, or close friend.

Easing the transition

Making the transition from driver to passenger is a big step and isn’t always easy or smooth. Giving up one’s driving privileges brings up lots of questions, fears, and challenges. Will I be able to get out of the house as often as I want?  I hate being dependent on other people; how will I manage?  How will I see my friends? Will my family see me as just another burden?

An Aging Life Care Professional is a very valuable asset to families struggling with this difficult conversation.  We can help evaluate the situation, and when necessary, develop a plan for driving cessation.  We can also:

  • Facilitate important family meetings to open the discussion
  • Be a sounding board and problem solver if a risky driver balks at the idea of retiring the keys
  • Explain how to utilize formal driving evaluation programs and state licensing reexamination procedures
  • Clarify options for services, transportation and supportive housing to prevent isolation and help alleviate those nagging feelings of dependency

Putting the brakes on driving is a real challenge, but with an Aging Life Care Professional’s help, the transition can be much smoother. Find your own Aging Life Care Professional at www.aginglifecare.org.

About the author: Jullie Gray has over 30 years of experience in healthcare and aging. She is a Principal at Aging Wisdom in Seattle, WA. Jullie is the President of the National Academy of Certified Care Managers and the Past President of the Aging Life Care Association. Follow her on LinkedIn and Twitter @JullieGray, or email her at jgray@agingwisdom.com. Aging Wisdom has a presence on Facebook – we invite you to like our page.


This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute, nor is it intended to be a substitute for, professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Information on this blog does not necessarily reflect official positions of the Aging Life Care Association™ and is provided “as is” without warranty. Always consult with a qualified professional with any particular questions you may have regarding your or a family member’s needs.

Top Tips for Caregivers

Top Tips for Caregivers

As part of National Family Caregivers Month, Amy Goyer – AARP’s family, caregiving, and multigenerational issues expert – shared her top tips for caregivers on Today with Kathie Lee & Hoda as well as on the AARP’s Take Care Blog.

In the segment, Goyer offered immediate go-to resources and tips for those finding themselves suddenly in the position of a caregiving role. In addition to speaking with the hospital social worker or discharge planner, Goyer recommends contacting an Aging Life Care Professional ™ (also known as a geriatric care manager) to help you “navigate, coordinate, create and even implement a care plan.” Goyer’s other top sources for help include:

Once you have addressed the immediate crisis or needs, Goyer offers these steps for caregivers:

1. Build your caregiver team.
2. Connect with other caregivers.
3. Get organized.
4. Care for yourself, too.

To read more on Goyer’s tips and resources for caregivers, visit the AARP Take Care Blog. To view the segment, follow this link:  http://www.today.com/video/resources-to-help-you-succeed-as-a-family-caregiver-557216835935.

Amy Goyer is AARP’s family, caregiving and multigenerational issues expert; she spends most of her time in Phoenix, where she is caring for her dad, who lives with her. She is the author of AARP’s Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving. Follow Amy on Twitter @amygoyer and on Facebook.


This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute, nor is it intended to be a substitute for, professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Information on this blog does not necessarily reflect official positions of the Aging Life Care Association™ and is provided “as is” without warranty. Always consult with a qualified professional with any particular questions you may have regarding your or a family member’s needs.

My elderly neighbor needs help

What to Do When Your Elderly Neighbor Needs Help

Have you seen your elderly neighbor speeding by the park? Or perhaps driving slower than a snail, in the wrong lane? Maybe you’ve found him wandering the streets confused? Or noticed that she hasn’t come outside when, normally, she waters her garden every other day?

Not everyone has family nearby to routinely check-in or monitor their well-being. So if you think your elderly neighbor needs help, it is important to call on professionals for help before the situation becomes dangerous.

Here is one story from an Aging Life Care Professional™ about how concerned neighbors needed expert help to reach one fiercely independent neighbor.  Persistent and creative in her approach, Aging Life Care Professional Amy Natt, MS, CSA, CMC describes how over time she was able to calm her client’s anger, fear, and mistrust and build a relationship of trust, comfort, and compassion.

To learn more about working with an Aging Life Care Professional, visit aginglifecare.org.


This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute, nor is it intended to be a substitute for, professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Information on this blog does not necessarily reflect official positions of the Aging Life Care Association™ and is provided “as is” without warranty. Always consult with a qualified professional with any particular questions you may have regarding your or a family member’s needs.

November is Family Caregivers Month

National Family Caregivers Month

November is a month to honor family caregivers and the contributions they make to our society.  In the United States, 90 million family caregivers fulfill a vital role on the care team of a family member according to the Caregiver Action Network – the organization behind National Family Caregivers Month. Throughout the month, the Aging Life Care Association™ will feature a variety of blog posts and highlight resources available for family caregivers.

“Respite: Care for Caregivers” is the 2015 National Famly Caregivers Month Theme

This year, the Caregiver Action Network shines the spotlight on the need for caregivers to take a break or respite from their caregiving duties.

” Respite – the chance to take a breather, the opportunity to re-energize – is as important as any other item on your caregiver’s to-do list. People think of respite as a luxury, but considering caregivers’ increased risk for health issues from chronic stress, those risks are a lot costlier than some time away to recharge. Respite is the key to your own well-being. Respite protects your own health, strengthens family relationships, prevents burn-out and allows your loved one to stay at home up to three times longer. No wonder respite is one of the most frequently requested support services for family caregivers.” – Caregiver Action Network

When you are responsible for the care of an aging loved one, a vacation or weekend getaway may seem impossible or out-of-reach. The questions race through your mind: What happens if mom falls? Who will remind Dad to take his medications? What if there is a storm? You feel overwhelmed and cancel your plans.

With a Plan in Place You Can Take a Break from Caregiving Duties

Not taking time away from caregiving responsibilities can lead to bigger problems – caregiver burnout, stress, or poor health. With some extra planning and help, you can take a break. Aging Life Care™ experts offer these tips to help make sure your loved one is safe and comfortable while you are away:

1. In-Home Caregivers: If there is not another family member or trusted friend or neighbor to fill in for you, connect with an Aging Life Care Professional™ who can help arrange for in-home care, monitoring, or transportation needs. Many Aging Life Care Professionals offer 24/7 service and can serve as an emergency contact while you are away. Depending on the individual’s needs, paid caregivers can assist with activities of daily living – bathing, dressing, mobility, meal preparations, house cleaning, or transportation. If you plan on using a caregiver, spend time getting the caregiver and your loved one familiar and comfortable with each other and to be sure that the caregiver is a good match.

2. Organize Important Documents: Prepare a folder or binder of information for the person/agency who will provide care and oversight while you are away. Include information on emergency contacts, physicians, preferred hospital, pharmacy, and other service providers, such as therapy services, Meals on Wheels, home care agency, etc. Also include your loved one’s medication list and other important documents such as Power of Attorney, Living Will, Advance Directives, and Do Not Resuscitate orders.

3. In-Home Technology: There are a variety of new technologies designed for keeping aging adults safe in their homes, including personal emergency response systems (PERS), GPS tracking devices, automated medication reminders and dispensers, as well as systems that allow you to remotely monitor or control the usage of certain electrical outlets or appliances.

4. Respite Care: Many retirement communities, assisted living facilities, and nursing homes offer respite care on a per diem basis for short stays. If your loved one just needs daytime-only activities or supervision, consider an adult day care center.

“Caregiving is exhausting and difficult work,” says Jeffrey S. Pine, Aging Life Care Association president, “but with some extra planning and research, it is possible to take some time away from your caregiving responsibilities to recharge your batteries.”

To access a nationwide directory of Aging Life Care Professionals, please visit aginglifecare.org.


This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute, nor is it intended to be a substitute for, professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Information on this blog does not necessarily reflect official positions of the Aging Life Care Association™ and is provided “as is” without warranty. Always consult with a qualified professional with any particular questions you may have regarding your or a family member’s needs.